I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
