so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
