so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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