jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
