i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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