My sheets look like a crime scene.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
