Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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