she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
