Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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