She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can I color on your dick again?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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