I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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