i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
