You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've blown a few things in my day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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