Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
