if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
