i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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