Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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