I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
