I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
