sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
