No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
