I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So here I am, sexting at work.
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