Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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