Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
