Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
