Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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