I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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