i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
