He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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