this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
