Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
