I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I could have mohawked her pubes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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