she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
