dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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