Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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