There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
