The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I died a long time ago.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
