so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
