maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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