I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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