I think I am morally bankrupt
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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