Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
