So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
