just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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