I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
