Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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