these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My dick has a subreddit
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
