a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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