when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
