I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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