my phone needs a breathalizer
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize