Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
