her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
