I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
