I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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