We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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