there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
