I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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