Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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