the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
