filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this boner is exhausting
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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