we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
