your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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