Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
