I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
