He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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