Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
